Jackie Boy

Jackie Boy,

When I returned from relapse,

A broken, trembling shell,

You were the first to shake my hand, 

The first to offer me a mug of tea, 

Full of Fairy Liquid bubbles and

Enough milk to feed a family of four

After I only asked for a drop -

“Is this how they make tea round here?”

A smiley, happy chap on the outside, 

Gregarious in a way I could never be 

Wired on cappuccinos 

Packed with ten sugars each,

We sit outdoors and watch 

The world go by.

I ask, “Do you think you’re really an alcoholic?”

“I don’t know man - 

Never lost a job 

Never crashed a car

Never hit anyone

Never been arrested

Never hurt anyone apart from myself”

Walking through the woods,

Alone in the social abyss of sobriety, 

His name is the first to light up my screen

In three dark days,

He tells me he needs to go to F.M.A.,

Football Manager Anonymous.

He played for nineteen hours straight yesterday 

And forgot to eat - 

We fall about laughing

Our last phone call,

A slur of diminishing grunts,

Followed by streams and snivels:

“Get yourself to a meeting tomorrow 

Jackie boy, we can turn this around,

Meet me at the bus stop at ten sharp”.

The day rolls around,

He’s not there

But what did I expect?

Ten weeks later,

Fourteen outgoing calls unanswered,

The buzz of the phone, 

The chair of the meeting: 

“Jack has died.”

“This Jack???”

I forward his picture -

They found him face down 

Beside a toilet,

Head cracked off the sink -

He’d been there for days

When they found him -

The stench of death travels fast

The news hits me like a train,

I head out of the stuffy air 

Into the night,

The warm red glow of pubs 

I walk past call me in 

Like Red Light District whores -

I cannot allow drinking 

To be my response to this

So I fill my basket,

Eat and gorge, and eat and gorge,

A tiger loaf, a family-sized pizza,

Two garlic bread baguettes,

Six packets of Doritos, 

Four doughnuts, a litre of ice cream 

With two bags of smashed 

Maltesers to garnish,

Until my stomach bubbles,

Boils and burns,

But I keep going, 

Powering through 

To the start of next week

Never crashed a car

Never lost a job

Never hit anyone

Never been arrested

He never had the time.